Brain Dead is the New Pro-Life

This whole fucking country is going to hell, and I for one am about to cash in every goddamned bit of loose change I can find in the backseat of my car and head to some underdeveloped tropical isle. Course, with my luck, I’ll land smack dab in the newest season of “Survivor”…

The NY Times reported the other day on the case of Terri Schiavo, the woman in a permanent vegetative state, that several senators have gotten into the legal tussle, including good ol’ Tom DeLay, House majority leader, who seems to be facing several embarrassing investigations into all sorts of fundraising and House travel regulation, ah, irregularities.

According to the Gray Lady, “taking a prominent role in rallying conservatives to the Schiavo cause also provided a sudden distraction from his troubles.”

How sweet. Seems he’s gone into hardcore Conservative savior mode, pledging to make the cause his own personal version of raising Lazarus, only this time the victim’s brain is all that’s dead: "… do not be afraid … Terri Schiavo will not be forsaken," he said. I wonder if he had a hard on while he said it…

But that’s not all. The Times continued: “Mr. DeLay and other lawmakers appeared to be affected emotionally by the life-and-death subject of Ms. Schiavo. Some have long held religious beliefs opposing such things as assisted suicide or the disruption of life-sustaining medical care.”

Really? And I’d like to ask these lawmakers, with their so-called “long held religious beliefs,” how they decide where to draw the line between, say, a woman who’s been brain dead for years and the workign poor who make the state-approved $5.50 an hour minimum wage, and even working two and three jobs each (part-time, of course, employers don’t have to pay health insurance then, thus saving costs and fattening the bottom line) cannot afford to pay for life sustaining medical care for themselves or their children.

Or the 80 percent of Baby Boomers who will be retiring soon with no pensions and no health insurance.

Of course, it only gets better: Sen. Bill Frist, majority leader, is in the fray as well.

“His determined press on behalf of Ms. Schiavo – with a heavy accent on his professional expertise as a physician – could resonate powerfully with [the Conservative] constituency. Other possible White House contenders are involved as well, including Gov. Jeb Bush of Florida and Senator Rick Santorum of Pennsylvania.”

Yes, yes, all fine examples of corruption so deep not even a high colonic will shake it free. But, Frist’s “professional expertise as a physician?”

This is the same sick motherfucker who’d adopt cats from the local humane society when he was in pre-med, take them home and dissect them? He’s suddenly gotten a conscience? I hardly think so. I’d listen to him about compassion as much as I’d listen to Hitler’s views on the Jews.

Of course, when it comes to meting out law, if suspects are Muslim, or even tainted with a hint of burnt umber-esque flesh, they might as well wish they were terminally brain dead.

The NY Times, again, reported that Jennifer Millerwise, director of public affairs at the CIA, defended the department’s “lawful interrogation of captured terrorists."

In short, we only tortured them a little bit… But, hey, like she said, It’s “a vital tool in saving American lives.” How does this woman, and others like her, sleep?

In fact, that’s as far as I got into the paper, as the blurbs became too much to handle:

• Several Imax theaters are refusing to show movies that mention evolution, fearing protests by opponents of the theory.
• A landmark agreement by former WorldCom directors to paymillions of their own money to settle with investors hasbeen revived about six weeks after it was scuttled.
• As state lawmakers strive to put together a budget,complying with a court order to pump more money into NewYork City's public schools has been left out of the debate.
• In Russia, those who manipulate capitalism for personalgain are called oligarchs. Here they have a different name: CEOs.

I don’t even read the stories half the time. Perhaps that’s best…

Frankly, I advise anyone who wouldn’t want to potentially wind up a lawmakers’ political puppet to sign a Do Not Resuscitate order and legal directive that, should you become a vegetable (the real deal, not the way you feel after a hardcore weekend bender, people), they let you die.

In the meantime, I'm off to watch the "What Not To Wear" marathon while sitting on the couch, self medicating with carbohydrate-laden tasty vegan morsels...