Current TV sucks ass
God, what a pile of fetid, vacuous crap has landed on what was, until just days ago my beloved News World International.
It was the only channel I could still safely watch without fearing the big-haired loud brash and overly abrasive (read: ugly American) talking heads going on and on about dead angelic cheated-upon pregnant mothers-to-be, deadly Armaggen-like and obviously satanic thunder storms, the killer bacteria that's laying in wait on every surface — " NO! DON'T TOUCH THE REMOTE IT WILL GET YOU!" — to give me cholera gangrene flesh eating flu-like bird/monkey/pig pox flu, and a whole host of other random, pointless bullshit to distract me from the fact that the cost of living is in a photo-finish meteoric rise, all neck-and-neck-like, with interest rates, gas prices and the large-size tom yum soup at Vientiane Café on Baltimore Avenue.
There is no longer any refuge as that dull, boring, stiff-as-a-board, loser motherfucker Al Gore dared to replace my beloved NWI with, well, the biggest pile of stupid mindless pointless bullshit to fill a television screen since the last presidential news conference: Current TV.
(Oh, and don't forget he's also married to evil wench Tipper (hellooo! PMRC?!!?!!? How quickly we forget the 1990s helmet-haired cow who so brilliantly came up with the idea of those lame-assed stickers to put on CDs, which really made a difference, don't you think?).)
Oh sure, CNN International is okay, if you can find it and you still have to sort; BBC has news, but in between the fourteen gazillion house fixer-upper shows they air daily (after living in London I know that there's far worse, albeit entertaining, programming — why do we get stuck with people who insist on constructing kitchen blinds out of old straws and manky plastic PVC pipe when V. Graham Norton has half-naked men in leather bondage suits?!!?).
Nothing was as soothing in a catastrophic "See, the whole rest of the world is going to shit too, honey, now go get another glass of wine and we'll soothe you with our rounded Canadian vowels…" way as NWI, always there to give me the perspective from outside the good ol' U.S. of A.
But now… now, it's all over. Now, clicking on what the Goremeister has devised, in his brilliant mind, to be the uber-channel for 18-24 year olds, I'm reminded of… oh, what is it? Oh, I know – the pointless filler they play on airplanes when you're boarding and shuffling around trying to shove your carry-on into a space the size of a tic-tac and find a germ-ridden blanket, or that certain department stores show on an endless loop in the "juniors" department in an effort to appear more hip, despite the fact that their most high-profile designer used to run around in high heels chasing crooks on bad daytime TV in her heyday.
There is no programming, no content, nothing of any real interest that cannot be figured out by spending 30 seconds on the Internet, and the pace, which is supposed to appeal to these wunderkind teen- and 20-somethings, is just annoying, stupid, and it's obvious it's trying waaaay too hard.
But then, what do you expect from the man who is so in touch with the younger generation, he split the 18-24 vote in 2000 with Bush.
Ah well, since he invented the Internet let's hope he's familiar with Monster.com…
And in the meantime, give me back my news!!!
It was the only channel I could still safely watch without fearing the big-haired loud brash and overly abrasive (read: ugly American) talking heads going on and on about dead angelic cheated-upon pregnant mothers-to-be, deadly Armaggen-like and obviously satanic thunder storms, the killer bacteria that's laying in wait on every surface — " NO! DON'T TOUCH THE REMOTE IT WILL GET YOU!" — to give me cholera gangrene flesh eating flu-like bird/monkey/pig pox flu, and a whole host of other random, pointless bullshit to distract me from the fact that the cost of living is in a photo-finish meteoric rise, all neck-and-neck-like, with interest rates, gas prices and the large-size tom yum soup at Vientiane Café on Baltimore Avenue.
There is no longer any refuge as that dull, boring, stiff-as-a-board, loser motherfucker Al Gore dared to replace my beloved NWI with, well, the biggest pile of stupid mindless pointless bullshit to fill a television screen since the last presidential news conference: Current TV.
(Oh, and don't forget he's also married to evil wench Tipper (hellooo! PMRC?!!?!!? How quickly we forget the 1990s helmet-haired cow who so brilliantly came up with the idea of those lame-assed stickers to put on CDs, which really made a difference, don't you think?).)
Oh sure, CNN International is okay, if you can find it and you still have to sort; BBC has news, but in between the fourteen gazillion house fixer-upper shows they air daily (after living in London I know that there's far worse, albeit entertaining, programming — why do we get stuck with people who insist on constructing kitchen blinds out of old straws and manky plastic PVC pipe when V. Graham Norton has half-naked men in leather bondage suits?!!?).
Nothing was as soothing in a catastrophic "See, the whole rest of the world is going to shit too, honey, now go get another glass of wine and we'll soothe you with our rounded Canadian vowels…" way as NWI, always there to give me the perspective from outside the good ol' U.S. of A.
But now… now, it's all over. Now, clicking on what the Goremeister has devised, in his brilliant mind, to be the uber-channel for 18-24 year olds, I'm reminded of… oh, what is it? Oh, I know – the pointless filler they play on airplanes when you're boarding and shuffling around trying to shove your carry-on into a space the size of a tic-tac and find a germ-ridden blanket, or that certain department stores show on an endless loop in the "juniors" department in an effort to appear more hip, despite the fact that their most high-profile designer used to run around in high heels chasing crooks on bad daytime TV in her heyday.
There is no programming, no content, nothing of any real interest that cannot be figured out by spending 30 seconds on the Internet, and the pace, which is supposed to appeal to these wunderkind teen- and 20-somethings, is just annoying, stupid, and it's obvious it's trying waaaay too hard.
But then, what do you expect from the man who is so in touch with the younger generation, he split the 18-24 vote in 2000 with Bush.
Ah well, since he invented the Internet let's hope he's familiar with Monster.com…
And in the meantime, give me back my news!!!
posted by The Overeducated Beggar at Tuesday, August 16, 2005
6 Comments:
what a rambling stupid post.
Current is TV still sucking ass in 2009.
Confirmed current still sucks
I'm reminded of a joke from The Fairly OddParents, when Timmy goes back in time.
Timmy: In the future, there will be 500 TV channels...
His future dad: Cool!!!
Timmy: ...But nothing to watch!
Dad: NOOOOOOOO--!
The sad thing is, it's true. Think about it. The normal channels, for example:
* CBS, NBC, FOX, and ABC rarely air anything good, and when they do, it gets cancelled.
* The WB--er, the CW--not much else to say there. Two words: Gossip Girl.
* I believe every major basic cable channel has done away with their kids television blocks.
* Disney Channel (Phineas and Ferb aside) might as well be called "The Fantastic Pop-Garbage Machine" these days.
* Cartoon Network--er, CN--two words: CN Real. 'Nuff said there. (Oh, and they don't air classic cartoons anymore).
* Nickelodeon has seen the same Network Decay as Disney Channel. They're just not quite as successful. Also, Nick @ Nite no longer airs old-yet-not-quite-as-old-as-TVLand-shows as often, now opting to air such classics as George Lopez and Everybody Hates Chris.
* Sci-Fi Channel is now...SyFy...
* Comedy Central isn't so comedic anymore (Daily Show and Colbert Report aside).
* MTV forgot what the M stands for.
* MTV2 (which I believe was created when MTV realized how little music they actually show) is now...what MTV has become @_@
* ABC Family (formerly FOX Family) is really only good around Christmastime, and they don't even air all the old classic Christmas specials anymore. (What, Frosty's not PC enough for ya'?) The rest of it seems to be Reality!television (oh, yeah, forgot to mention that for most of the other major networks, EVEN CN!).
* History Channel seems to still be going strong, with the occasional slippage, but it's really probably only a matter of time. I was never too into Animal Planet, so I couldn't tell you if it's still okay.
* VH1...meh. Supposed to be ANOTHER music channel (from Viacom, the owners of MTV). Three guesses as to what it is now. To be fair, VH1 Classic is actually what the name implies--a channel for classic music (mostly 60s-80s).
* E! got too gossippy.
* Hey, anyone remember CourtTV?
* Game Show Network shows far fewer classic game shows.
* Even some cable channels have lost focus (Toon Disney rebranded as Disney XD, I suppose not realizing that it's now named after an emoticon; Nicktoons doesn't show the classic Nicktoons; Boomerang is fine, though).
I honestly think the only station that hasn't lost focus is PBS. PB-freaking-S.
BTW, my post was from September 7th, 2009.
2011, Current TV still sucks.
Most commonly said statement when Olbermann annouces he's joining Current TV?
"Olbermann is on Current what?"
Way to build a brand the last 5 years you morons.
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